Reshma has a 3 year old son who is generally a well behaved toddler. She is upset as she is unable to handle his occasional temper tantrums. He throws a fit when he does not get what he wants. He starts screaming and crying loudly with sounds that pierce the air. He does that in public places and when there are guests around which makes it an awkward situation. Reshma is stressed and does not know how to handle such temper tantrums.
Child tantrum is a very common behavioral problem which is witnessed by every parent at one time or another. Temper tantrum usually occurs from age 1 to 4 years. Children demonstrate varied behavior patterns like crying, screaming, lying on the floor, kicking etc. It is seen that some children may throw regular tantrums while for other children the tantrums may be occasional. It is important to remember that throwing tantrums are a normal part of development and should not be seen as something negative.
Causes of temper tantrum:
- Temper tantrums are most common at the age of two as this is the time when the child is developing his language skill. Toddlers generally understand more than they can convey. When they are unable to express their need or feelings they start throwing tantrums. It has been seen that children throw temper tantrums when they are hungry, or feeling frustrated.
- At times children throw tantrums when they are feeling sleepy or they are very tired.
- The toddler may be uncomfortable physically or emotionally. There are chances that a wet diaper he is wearing is exasperating him or the social environment or a host of strangers around him is causing the discomfort which triggers the tantrum.
- Other causes of temper tantrums are when they are unable to communicate their need (for any object or parents attention) frustration leads to temper tantrums.
If we try to empathy the toddlers we might realize how frustrating it is when we are unable to communicate our needs. Such frustrating experience may set the stage for a tantrum.
Managing temper tantrums:
It is important to realize that temper tantrums are a way for a child to vent out their frustration and test the parent’s limits. Though you may feel frustrated by the child’s behavior in a public venue but it is important to remember the fact that almost all adults have been through this phase some time or other in their lives.
To effectively deal with the problem of temper tantrum it is necessary to understand the reason that causes it and try to eliminate the problem that is causing the tantrum.
Here are a few strategies that will help you manage tantrums:
Parent can ignore the tantrum, if it is being thrown to get your attention. Once the child calms down give him all that attention that he desires.
Try to distract the kids. Children have a shorter span of attention and it is very easy to distract them. Parents can take advantage of this trait and can distract the kid by beginning a new activity or changing the environment by taking them to a different room or go outdoors.
- Offer control over smaller issues
Try to give toddlers some control over smaller issues which may fulfill their need of independence and ward off tantrums. You can offer them choices such as Do you want me to give you a bath? Or do you want dad to give you a bath? Instead of asking them, do you want to take a bath now?
Spanking or yelling at the child will make the tantrum worse. Keep a positive attitude and do not react to the tantrums. It is important that you remain calm and do not argue. It is important to manage your behavior before managing the child.
Talk with the child after he has calmed down. Try to understand what the reason that made him angry was. Try to help him solve the problems if possible. Teach the child how to express his feelings with words and express and understand the feelings of others without screaming or hitting.
It is generally seen that when kids develop language skills and self control, it becomes easier for them to communicate their needs and they outgrow the temper tantrum as they grow. It is also easy for the parents to communicate which reduces the frequency and intensity of temper tantrums.
