Rucha went to the supermarket to buy her monthly groceries. Like usual her 3 year old daughter wanted to buy every candy that she would see at the supermarket aisle. She would keep stomping her feet and crying loudly till her demands were met.
Rucha would give in to the demands of her daughter as she did not wish to create a scene in the super market. She was too stressed as this had become a regular feature. “I do not know how to tackle this demanding behavior” says Rucha.
This is a common tantrum that is faced by most parents. The root of the issue is not how to stop kids from asking for various stuff but how you can say “NO”. Though it may be easier to move around the shopping mall with a quiet child who is happy tucking into sweets or chips but it is important to remember that children will rarely stop asking if their demands are always met with.
Well Known Psychologist Dr Pavan Sonar says, “Parents give in to the regular demands of the kid, which is in fact bad for the future of child. In later life, these kids manipulate parents frequently for other demands & are unable to delay their gratification, which is a necessary trait for any human being”
Parents need to be very firm in their parenting skills to withstand every tantrum. Children can be very persuasive when they want to be. They know how to manipulate and get their work done. They will use every tantrum, argument to get the stuff that they require.
“Best way to handle the tantrum of a child in public place is to IGNORE his or her behavior. Parents need to understand that even saying 'Don’t cry or I will beat you' is actually giving more attention to the tantrum” says Dr Sonar.
Though it may seem difficult to just ignore your child and keep moving around but by learning the skill of saying No to your child, you can manage the tantrum with ease.
Here are simple ways to say No to your child.
1. Say yes
For instance if your kid asks for an ice cream while you are shopping, the most common answer by parents is “No ice cream now” The child starts throwing his tantrums, and you say a sharp ‘No’ again, and the tug of war continues.
Does this sound familiar?
Dr Sonar says, “The child knows that the parent gives in to demand after tantrum or after some time of shouting hence don’t stop what they are doing”
It is important to know that kids do not understand or learn the lesson for the rule if they only hear the word NO so it is important to refrain from using this word repeatedly. Parents can say yes, even while they mean a No.
For instance instead of saying “No ice cream” you can politely say yes, you can have it after dinner, lets buy some fruits now.
2. Be humorous
If the child keeps throwing things around the house, do not shout or use any negative words, you can try a humorous approach. Tell him “Please ask your hand to keep things in its place.”
The situation becomes light and easy to handle.