We can tell you about the fights you have with your spouse without even meeting the two of you. That’s quite a tall claim you think, but it is the truth. Most married couples fight on the same issue or at least follow the same pattern. But fret not, we will tell you the 7 things you shouldn’t say to your spouse and put an end to all those meaningless fights!
For Over reactive Wives: Don’t Say…
Let us start off with what are the age old statements that wives make driving their husbands mad. Since women are emotional they often shed copious amounts of tears before and after making these statements, men are left both pissed off and speechless which makes their wives even wilder…
You always….. You never…..
“You are always late” “You never remember”, be honest. Recall the last fight you had with your husband, you said these words, didn’t you? Here’s why it is not a good idea. As women you are more sensitive and get hurt easily but you don’t always show it at that point but bring it up in some other argument. You use the instance to generalize things and accuse your spouse of many misdeeds. But it is not a good tactic; it means you will always attack and your spouse is forced to become defensive. Later even if it is long forgotten and he apologized, you will still bring it up again and make him feel guilty.
So what do you do? – Speak when you are hurt but talk about the particular instance and not the past. Also once he has asked for forgiveness and you forgive, make sure you forget it and do not bring it up again.
You are always busy, are you having an affair?
Women complain that husbands are never home and never give them time and men say that wives nag too much and make ridiculous accusations like having an affair, if they are working too late. Wives have to learn to make their point without resorting to tears, accusations or nagging. They can simply state that they want their husband’s home more often and that they deserve their time too. Keep the communication channel open and talk to him about work, home and family so that both of you understand each other. Don’t accuse him of having an affair just because he is not home, you will sound insecure, paranoid and worst, distrustful. You can’t take words back so don’t speak something in the heat of an argument that will scar your relationship forever.
Husbands need to understand here that even if their wives are complaining and nagging, it is because you are not listening to them or, you are not giving them time and they are hurt. Make a point to take time off family, work, and friends for your wife and see the change in her behavior.
Not tonight honey…
No, we are not talking about expressing your disinterest in sex once in a while but if you don’t feel in the “mood” too many times, it is time you reviewed the reasons. Is it stress? Are you taking care of too many things - work, kids, household, or is it that there are some conflicts with your partner that are being reflected in your relationship? Whatever the reason you need to work it out, after being rejected too many times, your spouse may feel unloved and undesirable and may stop asking you altogether.
If it is boredom and lack of desire that is causing a slump in your sex drive, take efforts- watch erotic movies, bring sexy lingerie, talk dirty. If other issues are the cause, better deal with them head on rather than using sex as a tool to get back at your husband.
For Thoughtless Husbands: Don’t say…
These are the statements husbands say without thinking too much. Men are logical and straightforward and give an honest opinion even if it hurts the other. Read these statements and don’t say these to your spouse!
Have you put on weight? / Can’t you do anything right?
Your wife is just dressed for going out for the party. She is all excited and you take a look at her and exclaim, “Have you put on weight?” You have done it, hurt her, made her mad and she is now not ready to come for the party or even talk to you. It may not be the same statement, but you have often said things which hurt your wife deeply. You may have been honest, but nobody wants honesty when they just need love and understanding. You wife may have actually put on weight but don’t forget that she had to go through the pregnancy, delivery and the other hormones/emotions of pregnancy. The least you can do it make her feel beautiful!
In other occasions when the dal is not tasting good, or the house looks disheveled wait, before you exclaim that she cannot do anything right. Instead, look at your wife with understanding. That’s all she asks for…
Don’t wait up for me at dinner, I am eating out…
You have done this many times - called her from the office, to tell that you are not coming for dinner. Now see the situation from her point of view, she may have planned for something special for tonight’s dinner or would have wanted to see a movie together. You call her and curtly tell her to not wait for dinner; you have decided to eat outside today with friends or work holds you up. It is rude and thoughtless and always makes her angry. All you have to do the next time you are late or are forced to have dinner outside is call her and inform her in advance and apologize. She will like the fact that you cared enough to inform her early and that you said sorry.
Can’t I get some peace in this house?
You return home from work and your kid comes and sits on your lap asking to go to the park, your mom tells you about her newest health ailment and your wife starts with the problem of the maid, you yell that you don’t get peace in the house and storm off. Your family members watch you leave and there is lingering silence. It is true that you want some peace at the end of a stressful day but expecting your family members to keep quiet just because you have pressure is also not fair. You cannot carry your work issues around with you, when you are with your family, you need to give them time and spend some time laughing, listening and talking to them. Leave all the tensions behind the front door, as soon as you enter, give your kid a hug and your wife a smile. She will respond with the same and you will have a better time at home.
So now you know that most of your fights with your spouse were just a reason of misunderstanding or miscommunication, hope you prevent these silly old fights and have good time with your spouse!