“She just doesn’t understand” “He is too bossy” “Our tastes don’t match” “He has a horrible dressing sense” if you had to note down the differences between you and your partner, the space would run out but the differences wouldn’t.
Some differences are a part and parcel of your relationship which you must accept. But others are issues which aren’t very simple to deal with and which can affect the future of the relationship.
We give you the 5 mistakes in a relationship that you must avoid!
1# Being Emotionally Needy
Everyone wishes for a partner who can complete, inspire, save and protect them. The problem with the above expectation is not only that these unreasonable demands but also that, they depend on someone else to fulfill that is lacking in you. A healthy relationship is between two emotionally mature individuals not between incomplete individuals searching for their own selves in their partners.
Thus, both the partners need to know who they are as an individual before they even begin a relationship. An emotionally immature individual will be afraid to be alone and settle for someone who is not the right partner for him or her. Such relationships will always have one partner needing another that leads to unhealthy relationships.
Know thyself first before looking for the ‘perfect other’.
2# No Communication
You and your partner may be proud of the fact that you don’t fight. But the silence in relationships is not always golden. Lack of communication can severely affect the relationship sometimes more than even fights can. If both of the partners are afraid of hurting each other and keep small differences unsaid, they are asking for trouble. These issues if not sorted just accumulate and finally pour out at a weak moment in a fight or during a meltdown. It is difficult to see and think clearly in such an emotional situation and some words would be exchanged that hurts the relationship.
So being honest about your feelings is the only way to make the relationship work. Talking and resolving the matter at the onset reduces the ugly fights that take place when all the complaints come out in a wrong way at the wrong time.
Talk to each other not only about the things you love but also things you hate!
3# Money Matters
Everybody has a different way of dealing with money. There will be some who believe in saving for the uncertain future and others who believe that money is meant to be spent and spent at the moment they get their hands on it.
Different ways of dealing with money isn’t bad but if there is lack of compromise or if one partner hides and lies regarding money matters, there is a problem at hand. Money can also become a cause for power struggle between the couple and both of the partners could feel wronged. Money thus becomes a matter of contention especially in married couples who share their financial resources.
The way out this issue is to discuss the different methods of dealing with money and deciding short and long term financial goals along with being honest with each other regarding financial matters.
Save or Spend, discuss it with your Partner!
4 # Being the Martyr
There is always someone in a relationship who feels like he or she is only giving and not receiving. There are one sided compromises, one sided promises and only one sided apologies. When you feel like you are the one who has been doing all the sacrificing and receiving no appreciation from the other end, there is bound to be a feeling of resentment.
The problem here is not only the other person who does not appreciate but also the one who feels like the martyr, the silent sufferer who constantly sacrifices for the relationship. All the parties need to understand that relationships requires compromise and sacrifice but from both the sides. There has to be an equal give and take for a relationship to nurture and last. Even when one does compromise, there has to be willingness with no regrets or resentment involved. The other party also needs to respect the decision and the gesture and not take the other partner for granted.
Don’t play the victim or the martyr, its love not war!
5# Being in a relationship for the wrong reasons
It’s a long time that you are feeling this way but you have ignored this feeling, this feeling is one of suffocation and dread and it is about your relationship. Even with these feelings you have decided to stay put in your relationship, after all you have been together for long now and leaving is not the option.
There may be many things which make you to stay in an unhealthy relationship- the security of being in a relationship, fear of living alone, pressure about societal norms or for the sake of your children. These reasons are good but not good enough if there is no love or respect in the relationship. In the absence of a solid foundation, staying in a relationship will be like hanging on the loose strands of a rope, the more you pull, the more it becomes weak and finally breaks.
If you are feel your relationship is in trouble, work towards it and give it your best shot but incase reconciliation seems impossible, you need to let the relationship go, hanging around will only bring more pain.
Ask yourself why you are in a relationship, is it a good reason?
There is a limit to the relationship advice others can give you but finally it is you and your decisions that will influence the future of your relationship…
