We have all had our crushes, or liked someone. It is an amazing feeling to be in love. But more often than not it is marred by a rejection. Not all those we like have liked us back, have they?! We all go through that phase of rejection and dejection.
We imagine what it would be like if it had ‘happened’. Wishing and longing that it still will. It is bad enough to cope with the fact that your feelings aren’t reciprocated, it is even worse to watch as it is reciprocated towards someone else. The ego is already hurt; on top of it, there is the jealousy that rages through you as you keep longing to be with him\her.
So what do you do? You try to cut them out from your life, but may not always succeed to. The person is constantly on your mind and the damage to you in the process is enormous. You end up taking drastic steps just to make yourself illusorily feel better.
The kinds of things you may resort to [Signs that you need immediate damage control]:
- Being Pre-occupied – You just have one thing on your mind and you can’t get him\her out of your head no matter what.
- Temper tantrums – Pent up frustration and anger results in tantrums on your part, probably directed at someone or something else.
- Poor concentration – Your mind is preoccupied and hence you cannot concentrate on anything, your studies, work, family, friends, etc. You start showing poor results.
- Depressed – You are constantly depressed and sulking even when there are reasons to rejoice; start becoming pessimistic about everything.
- Addictions – You get addicted to smoking or drinking or any other harmful habit because you feel you need something to get over the pain.
- Jumping partners – You start dating different partners for short periods on a regular basis. Probably date more than one at a time. But none of them satisfy you. Even though you are with someone else you can’t get that one person off your mind.
- Random casual sex – You find yourself resorting to meaningless physical relations with others as a distraction. Have sex with random people to prove that you have a life too.
These are some of the few signs that point towards serious trouble. Most of us feel that it is just a phase and that it will be fine soon. But after a point it stops being just a phase and ends up becoming a habit, an obsession, a craze. And that is when things begin to border danger.
Here are a few things that you could do to make things easier on yourself:
- No self-pity - Crying and cursing fate is natural, yes, but, after a bit of it, stop continuously having a negative outlook towards your life. Not having that one person doesn’t make everything in your life bad. Stop pitying yourself for your bad luck and start looking at things more positively.
- Feel good – Look for things that make you feel good about you. Do small things to spoil yourself. Go shopping, satisfy your sweet tooth (but not too often), go to a spa, etc. Anything to lift those spirits.
- Don’t try too hard – Don’t try too hard to prove your point. If it has to happen it will. Don’t prod fate and do ‘things’ to disrupt that person’s life. That
doesn’t put you in any good light and it will give you no satisfaction to see him\her miserable. It is a lose-lose situation, so learn to let things be.
- Keep distance – Maintain a healthy distance from the person who you one-sidedly like. Just for a while until you can cope with the situation head on. Make excuses if needed to avoid being with him/her. How much ever you wish to be in the company of that person, force yourself not to.
- No agony aunts – Do NOT encourage him\her crying over problems that he/she may face in his/her relationship. It isn’t your duty to help him, gently refuse or send him to someone else, say you are busy. Listening to him/her agonize and then solving his/her problems can be a torment for you.
- Talk to a friend – It always helps if you have friends or family to support you during these hard times. So talk it out and ask them to help you get a move on with your life.
- Burn the stress – If you find that you need a physical outlet for the stress, take up jogging, swimming, or any sport. Join the gym; go for walks, or maybe dance\ aerobics classes. Preferably something that also keeps your mind busy and not just mechanical working out.
- Hobbies\ clubs – Join clubs or hobby groups or some classes to keep you occupied with something fun in your spare time. Anything to keep your mind off ‘him/her’. The fun pass time will keep you distracted and who knows cupid could strike at any new place!
Being in such a situation in life is tough, but it teaches us a lot like perseverance, patience, tolerance. Learn all you can and then move on. Sulking, crying, and getting frustrated won’t help. Yes, the pain is there and might continue to be for a while but do not allow yourself to act on it. Keep in mind what a very intelligent man once said – “This too shall pass.”
