Things just aren’t the way they used to be between the two of you. The signs are all saying that it’s time to leave but for some reason you just can’t let go. You still believe that it can get better, that it’s just a phase or a temporary rift. Maybe you need to stop lying to yourself. Let’s evaluate the signs and you can have a reality check whether the relationship, which is no more the best thing in your life, is still worth continuing.
Is he not interested in you anymore?
This is the first sign that something is wrong. Your partner isn’t interested in anything that involves the two of you together. Things you used to enjoy doing together- like having meals, watching a game or a movie, or doing the groceries, do not interest your partner now. He has begun to lose interest in the togetherness and may soon lose interest in you too. No more asking how your day was, or how you are feeling, etc. And when you ask questions the answers are short and disinterested. Do you really want to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you anymore?
There is barely any conversation
From being able to talk for hours it has now come to exchanging barely even a few words. You can assume that he’s just busy but you constantly find that it is you calling your partner whereas he doesn’t bother to call or communicate anything much with you. Questions are answered in monosyllables or excuses are made to talk later. Remember the most important part of any relation is the communication. If you cannot communicate and enjoy conversations anymore the foundation of your relationship is cracking.
Do you feel she isn’t attracted to you anymore?
The most obvious problem is lack of physical chemistry and attraction. Remember those days when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? It could be as small a gesture as a kiss on the cheek or holding hands to of course sex. Now-a-days your partner seems disinterested and abstains from any sort of physical contact. Do not simply justify it to yourself thinking maybe your partner is tired, stressed or preoccupied, especially if there is no communication as to why. Chemistry is very important in keeping the relationship alive, especially when other things are failing.
Where has the ‘we’ and ‘us’ gone?
What used to be about you both is now only about him. What was ‘us’ and ‘ours’ is now ‘me’ and ‘mine’. No more compromising or sacrificing or letting go like he used to be before. This could mean that either he doesn’t feel the relationship is worth it anymore or simply isn’t keen on taking the efforts to make it about the relationship, about the both of you.
Is he making the same mistakes again and again?
You constantly find that your partner is repeatedly making the same mistakes that upset you. He just doesn’t seem to register the fact that you don’t like the color red, or that you hate beans. There is a clear lack of attention and efforts towards the relation. Hence the same mistakes are repeatedly made that leads to the same arguments over and over.
Is she continuously nagging and bickering?
You are fed up of her constant nagging. She picks a fight with you over trivial issues that then maybe goes on to bigger arguments. Both of you are more irritated than happy with each other. There is something wrong with everything. Tolerance levels have gone down. When was the last time you laughed together about something? Such situations only add to your stress levels and are not healthy at all.
Do you feel vulnerable and misunderstood?
Your partner who was so understanding before doesn’t seem to understand you anymore. After regular fights and bickering you only end up feeling misunderstood and vulnerable. More than explanations or a discussion there is only throwing of accusations and routine blaming. There is a lack of patience to listen to each other. You only end up feeling alone and hurt. Is it worth that strain and depression?
Is he constantly nasty towards you?
Taunts are in the air. Simple questions are answered with spite and nastiness that was never there before. You actually start avoiding conversations or asking questions for fear that he may lash out at you for no reason. There is permanent tension in the air when you are around with each other.
He doesn’t call you
He used to call you at work about a couple of times a day just to see how you were doing. Or you would call him from work just to see if he has had lunch. But these calls are not as frequent as before or probably completely absent. Those romantic messages that used to come or those lovey-dovey mails, ‘miss you’ messages, are all lacking. Your partner doesn’t seem to remember you throughout the day. If he doesn’t care enough to take a couple of minutes out for you, how important do you expect to be for him?
Do spend longer hours seperated than together?
You used to rush back from work just to be with each other. Even the smallest amount of time spent together would mean a lot. But now your partner is staying at the office for longer and when free makes other plans without you. Or spends more time with friends rather than with you and it doesn’t seem like he cares about the lack of time together. Even when together he seems more interested in his phone or the TV than you.
If you have any of these signs or most, even at moderate levels, you need to seriously re-consider the very reason for your relationship. Maybe a fight or some major misunderstanding could have caused these problems. But the worst could also be true, you aren’t meant for each other anymore. As difficult as it may be to accept and take that decision, you probably need to end this relationship which is full of stress and tension. You might feel that you cannot live without your partner, but being with him isn’t giving you much joy either.
Your last resort could be going to a relationship counselor. But if post counseling also things don’t change rather than taking the strain, spoiling your peace and ruining your health, you would be better off ending the relationship, putting this whole thing behind you and moving on. It’s time to say goodbye and go your own way. Make the right decision…
