Shalini and Nisha are very close friends. They both join the same company and work alongside for months. After 6 months Shalini is promoted. Nisha begins to feel a little resentful; after all she deserved it too. She was as good as Shalini if not better. Then why did she not get the promotion? She wanted to be happy for her friend but found herself getting more and more spiteful.
She began hating small things that Shalini did like telling her what to do or correcting her mistakes. Even though Shalini had no intentions of putting Nisha down, Nisha felt that way.
Soon she began hating Shalini herself, began avoiding her calls and created differences between them.. Finally there came a time when Nisha couldn’t stand the sight of Shalini, it began showing in her work and she was then let go from her job. And till the end she blamed Shalini for everything that went wrong with her.
The problem was not Shalini; the problem was Nisha’s reaction to the situation. Nisha’s mental block towards Shalini, which Nisha stubbornly refused to alter. This is called a psychological barrier.
What are psychological barriers?
Any kind of emotion or thought that directly or indirectly acts as a hindrance to do something or accept a situation or person is a psychological barrier. There is usually never any concrete base to it and our inaction or misconducts are primarily because we choose them.
The barrier can be either a communication barrier or a perception barrier. In the above case it was a combination of both.
Here’s how the situation could have been different:
First of all the direction of resentment was wrong. It wasn’t Shalini’s decision to be promoted. It was her boss’. That Nisha attributed it to Shalini was the primary mistake.
Nisha could simply have voiced her opinion that she deserved the promotion to her boss. She could have heard him out and then decided for herself if he was right or wrong.
After introspection if Nisha still felt that there was some injustice or that she was more deserving, she could simply have resigned or shifted to a different department. Also she could have voiced her feeling to Shalini. That way she would not have lost her friend, job or self-respect.
But more often than not we tend to react exactly how Nisha did. Simply because we block our minds and prevent ourselves from seeing the bigger picture. We prefer to rot in that small cocoon, suffering from self pity. And of course direct our anger and frustration at the easiest target available. As Nisha directed at Shalini.
But for many people, that target could also be themselves. That is why many people go into depression or end up with very low self-esteem.
Other situations
Wish you had what she had, and then enjoyed the fact when she lost it? So it’s not really about what you don’t have but what she shouldn’t have because you don’t have it.
You never go to your friend’s place because there’s something you just don’t like about that place.
An achievement you would have otherwise found worth complimenting but you cannot just because it is to do with that person who you dislike.
Why does this happen?
Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own minds. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
Negative emotions and thoughts are always stronger and faster to come to the mind. Just like it’s easier to fall down then climb up. So we build on these negative thoughts and shut ourselves in a fort of all kinds of negative emotions like envy, jealousy, spite, etc. But this in turn harms us to a great extent, which most people probably do not even comprehend.
Ruining mental balance
All sorts of bodily diseases are produced by half-used minds. ~George Bernard Shaw
Continuous negative thoughts create pessimistic and cynical people that are usually not joys to be around. Everything is about them and their whims. Soon they lose their friends and the people around them begin to avoid them.
We are all aware of outward negative practices and habits like smoking, etc that can harm our body and health. But there are also mental, psychological habits and practices that can ruin mental health.
When we hear the term ‘mental health’ we usually attribute it to very serious conditions bordering insanity like, dreadful phobias, crazy obsessions, hallucinations, etc. These are definitely concerns, and we feel that if we are clear of them we are mentally healthy.
That’s where we go wrong. Mental health is not just about the clinically termed and discussed diseases that need serious help. Mental health also includes small day to day conscious or unconscious practices and habits, which act as blocks, and ruin our mental balance. Just like the above mentioned situation.
Nisha will carry this problem that she has developed now to all future jobs because she hasn’t rid herself of the core of the problem, which is her blame 
game and low self-esteem.
Many of us too carry such problems with us for days, months, years sometimes even life times. Most of the times we probably don’t even realize that we do.
These problems only burden our minds and prevent us from our normal behavior. Usually such blocks tend to change our behavior and they also act as catalysts in habituating us to wrong practices. Psychological blocks weaken our minds and hence we look for outward, external forms of satisfaction, which later on could end up becoming harmful addictions. Most of the health detoriating habits that we have on the outside are a result of some sort of psychological barriers within.
So what do I do?
Pain of mind is worse than pain of body. ~Latin Proverb
- Identify
The first and foremost step to helping yourself is to understand that you have a problem. Any situation or thought that keeps you depressed, angry or continuously experiencing any kind of negative emotion is harmful to you. So if you find yourself being irritated, emotionally drained, or sad, all the time you definitely have some problem you need to resolve.
It could be something as simple as a fight with your spouse, to something like dissatisfaction at work or depression of being single when you see others happily married.
So, first identify what it is that bothers you.
- Find a Solution 
Once you have identified what it is that is creating a problem for you think of ways that you can help yourself. The core idea is to rid yourself of the block so that you can think freely without any preconceived notions or bias. Start thinking differently about the situation; look at a more positive aspect that you haven’t looked into before.
If it involves another human being, start looking at things from his perspective so that you can probably empathize with him-Anything that helps you resolve your internal blocks and conflicts due to those blocks.
- Talk to someone
Once you know what the problem is it becomes easier to find a solution. But if you find that you cannot do it alone share the problem with someone- maybe an elder or a friend who knows you well. Sometimes the objective way in which someone else looks at the situation may assist in helping you restore calm to your mind.
- Professional help
If you find that no one around you can help you, talk to a therapist. A counselor or a psychologist can help you by not only helping you identify the problem but giving a solution as well.
- Nothing to be scared about
There is no reason to freak out or get worried if you find that you have certain psychological barriers. As easy as it is to fall prey to such things it is also just as easy to snap out of them once you have the determination. People resolve such issues within them at a regular basis; it is not an unachievable feat. But it is necessary to resolve and must not be taken lightly just because it involves the mind.
“Mind over matter”
Give your mental health equal importance. Without our thoughts flowing comfortably and our minds being at balance great harm could be created both physically
and psychologically.
Freedom is not just about taking independent decisions, living alone or doing only what you please. It also has a lot to do about freeing yourself from such kind of psychological barriers and blocks. If you are not free from within you cannot expect to be free from anyone\anything else.
The mind is like a trunk: if well-packed, it holds almost everything; if ill-packed, next to nothing. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, 1827
