Ayush and Rhea are married for 10 years now. They love and care for each other. They co parent wonderfully together, but the excitement, passion and spark in their married life has fazed.“We were once a happy married couple, but presently we are roommates who just happen to share the last name” says Rhea.
Does it seem that your marriage is a series of schedule, tasks and errands? Do you wish that you could turn back the clock to the early days of your relationship, before you were married or before you had kids?
Perhaps you and your spouse get along very well, but you still feel there is something missing in your married life. The memories of the earlier days may seem so exciting and alive to you now but you notice that the spark has suddenly disappeared. Well Known Psychologist Pavan Sonar explains, “It does not happen in every marriage, but yes it does happen.The most common reason why a couple loses the spark in their life after a few years of getting married, is because they get pre occupied between job, family, kids and other obligations. They develop a daily routine which is devoid of any special time that is dedicated to just the two of them.
- Secondly, stress, fatigue, work pressure, odd working hours and working in different shifts, are other some of the other causes that shrinks the fun in the relationship.
- Lastly, high expectations from each other lead to anger and resentment for each-other and communication is impaired between the two which can diminish the spark in the relationship.
Signs that indicate your spouse is your roommate:
- You are constantly in different rooms.
- You do not fight with each other any more.
- You prefer to discuss your issues with others.
- You do not have regular sex.
- You spend excessive amount of time out of the house.
Here are a simple ways to get the spark back in your life:
Though it may seem difficult to come out your roles and focus on just being husband and wife, it is very important to make time from your ever-busy schedule for “just the two” of you. The more time you spend connecting with each other and building emotional bonds, the closer and more intimate you will feel towards one another.
Once in a while, it is important to surprise your partner with gifts or compliments. You can also plan out something special for the evening. A surprise acts a mood enhancer and helps to regain the spark back in your life.
A little affection goes a long way in bringing back the love in your life. Hug your partner and make sure that you tell each other that you still care and love each other. This will ensure that you or your partner is not feeling unloved.
Sex is an important part in a marriage yet it is often one of the first things to go when things are not going well. Have sex often to rekindle the spark back in your life.
Spend time sharing memories of the early days of your relationship or when you were newly married. When you recall old moments you realize how much you love each other says Dr Sonar.
Do not focus on how days have changed in the present moment and grumble over all the issues. Utilize this time to take a beautiful trip down the memory lane and stay in touch with the feelings. You will start developing a positive approach.
Recognizing that you and your partners have become excellent roommates is an important step in gaining back the love in your life. Instead of blaming your partner for the situation try to communicate your feelings without criticizing says Dr Pavan Sonar.
Spending quality time together with a positive attitude will definitely will help you create more passion and a spark filled marriage. Remember, you are more than roommates, you are friends, and you are in this for a long haul.