“My son and I used to be close; he used to treat me as his best friend. He would share his feelings as well as his daily happenings with me. It gave me immense satisfaction to know that my son trusted me enough to talk to me openly about things which bothered him!
As they say, time changes everything; and my son too changed with time...
He no more finds it important to talk to me or even spend time with me. I didn’t bother much attributing it to some ‘growing up’ phase that he was going through, but it continued and now I find that our relationship has reduced to a mere ‘Hello’ and ‘Bye’!
Teenage is the time when your child goes through a lot of changes; physical as well emotional. With the onset of puberty the teenagers become increasingly conscious of themselves. Among other things, the way they behave, dress, talk, company, way of thinking all change, not to mention their attitude towards life.
Crankiness, being stubborn, being disrespectful, talking back are other common symptoms which every parent has to deal with. Coming home late, exploring new areas not just geographically but emotionally and physically too, demanding more pocket money, etc. should be accepted by parents as part and parcel of their child growing up. But there are a few things that can help you deal with your teenage child and also help you in having a control on what he is doing.
Below is a list of things which can help you manage your teenager’s rebellious behavior:
Be open: Your child is not a kid anymore; he is growing up and needs someone to guide him in the right direction. College life, peer pressure, discovering his individuality can all be very confusing for him and he can act up by lying to you, disobeying you, staying out late at nights, etc. He might even booze and try smoking. Don’t impose restrictions directly because it is common not to adhere to those restrictions at his age. Talk with him and set limitations. Explain to him the drawbacks and benefits of whatever new he wants to do.
Set Rules: Coming home late, going for parties, wandering off to places, are bound to be a part of his college life. Remember even you did those things when you were young. Allow him to go but set a reasonable curfew within which he has to come home. By allowing disciplined freedom, you’ll ensure that he won’t feel as if you’re snatching his freedom away from him.
The first two times he doesn’t adhere to it you can simply warn him. If he continues to disobey, you can give him small punishments like cutting his pocket money or reducing PC time, etc.
Don’t lose your temper: Teenagers go through a lot of hormonal changes, making them subject to impulsive behavior. So don’t be surprised if you come home late and find out that he has gone out for a movie. By maintaining your cool, not only will you set a good example, you will also show him how you can sort your differences in a civilized manner.
Impart Sex Education: Teenage is the age when your “child” learns a lot about his/her body and starts getting curious. Learn to accept this curiosity as part of
the growing up and help the child deal with it in a constructive manner. Talking to them about sex will put them at ease and take your relationship further; it will also ensure that he/she comes to you before trying anything. But do not cross a line and make him/her uncomfortable or embarrassed. Don’t forget it isn’t really that ‘cool’ to discuss sex with your parents.
Give space: One of the most crucial things parents forget is their own teen years. Remember how tough life was when you had to explain everything to your parents? Well your child is going through the same phase. You can make it easier for the both of you by trying to give him enough space to make his own decisions.
Share responsibility: Your child is no more a small kid; now that he is a teen it is perfect time for you to entrust him with a little
responsibility. Start asking him to share responsibilities with you. Let him do chores like paying bills or helping in buying groceries for the house. Don’t forget to appreciate his efforts as it will motivate him to help you in doing tasks the next time!
Parents should remember that teenagers may not see eye to eye with you any longer. Not because they don’t love you anymore but more because they have their own minds now and will not do things only because you told them to. But even with all the new changes in their lives, teens still crave for approval and support from their parents. Parents are still heros for them. So, rather than cribbing about your changing equations, be open, be patient and, most importantly, be there, your kid will still come to you for guidance and support; even if it is in a different way...
