Rajiv and Sneha met the regular Indian way. That is, their parents approved their match and only then the actual bride and groom got to meet each other. They liked each other and soon were engaged to be married. It is during this time that Sneha suggested that both of them go for Pre-marital counseling. Both Rajiv and his parents were appalled. Finally after much convincing from Sneha’s side, Rajiv agreed to it and now two months later he is glad that he did.
“I had never admitted this, but I was terrified of the idea of the first night. I knew the basics but there so many pressures and so many ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ involved. He says smiling, “I can say that counseling saved me from many sleepless nights.”
Religion, Caste, language, Finances, family status, occupations, family background- all of this is… is discussed when marriages are ‘fixed’. There’s a lot of preparation that goes into planning a wedding- caterers to be selected, the hall to be booked, ‘makeovers’ to be had and weight to be shed…
There is a lot that the girl and the boy talk about- house, job, relatives, expectations, etc. but there is one topic that the ‘would be’ bride and groom never talk about. That topic is Sex. This topic is shoved under the carpet as if this important part of marriage is nonexistent.
This shying away from the topic of Sex helps no one; there are innumerable fears, phobias, misconceptions, half truths and whole lies that plague many married couples. For those couples going the arranged marriage way, with the scary aspect of living with a stranger in a different household, sleeping with him/her seems like even a bigger challenge!
Why Pre-marital Sex Counseling?
- To get the Basics right
Even in this 21st century, many couples get married and are aware about the ‘big night’ but don’t know exactly what to expect. There is no sex education given at the school level and with parents hushing this subject off, there is a gap in sex knowledge in individuals. For these couples, especially girls, there is a need for basic level sex education including the male and female anatomy and then explanations about the actual act.
“Masturbation is wrong. There is always pain involved during sex. The girl should bleed the first night.” And so go many other myths that plague minds. Dr. Kavan Lakdawala, famous Mumbai based Sexologist says, “In our culture where we are not open about sex. Many couples depend on hearsay or what their friends have said or misinformation on matters of sex.” These myths if not solved at the beginning can cause problems in future.
To Assuage Fears
“The first day is the D day. You must successfully have sex in the first night or you are doomed.” This is the kind of advice that well meaning but completely misinformed friends give. During sex counseling, it is explained that sex may not always be possible physically or emotionally during the first night itself and there is nothing wrong with either of the partners if the intercourse doesn’t happen the first night. With time, most couples are comfortable and find sex to be easier and enjoyable.
While most men fear about their performance, women are more afraid of the pain associated with sex. Some women are told early that sex can be painful and these women hold on to these views, hence they are likely to treat it as a chore rather than take it as an act of intimacy.
